how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
