The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
