Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
