It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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