So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
