alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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