maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
