I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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