I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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