u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
MIDGETS
????
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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