god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
