I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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