I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
