I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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