She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
