it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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