It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
