Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Everyone says I win the strip club
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
