Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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