Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
