Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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