his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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