clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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