Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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