so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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