Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
