I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
