Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
