my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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