I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
