two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
