I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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