I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
