o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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