I cannot find my penis.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
