I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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