i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
