Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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