Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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