tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
