you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
