Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sorry about my life...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
