I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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