Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
