you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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