I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
