So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
