Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
