I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
