i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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