we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i dont even know how to be here
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
