How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He has the fingertips of a God
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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