never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm getting married
To pizza
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I love you.
Bad choice
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
