we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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